Posted on Nov. 16, 2005
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Contact the author: Joyce Morris, email
"The number one
reason most people dont get what they want is that they dont
know what they want." (A quote from T.
Harv Eker of Peak Potentials Training.)
However, knowing what you want is
not always so simple. Even when we think we know what we want, we
often have other conflicting and unconscious wants that keep us stuck.
There are some ways to begin tackling the very huge issue of knowing
what you want (if you really want to :-).
Pay attention to your language. It contains clues about
what you really want and expect.
Watch for desires stated
negatively, such as " I don't
want..." When you hear that, you have bumped into an
illusory desire. It's not what you really want but what
you want to avoid. It is also a red flag for a lot of unconscious
desires that are silently at work making your life, as it
already is, happen for you.
They show up as more desires to
avoid every experience that could result in the one you wish
to avoid. Not only are they usually in conflict with what you
really want, but every time you desire to avoid something, you
actually diffuse your creative attention from what you really
would have desired and perhaps thought you desired.
Huge amounts of our continually active mind power and energy are
devoted to fulfilling our avoidance desires (Ultimately
impossible). All that just creates Mind and life
eventually become positive desires that don't
fulfill as we intended them to. For example: "I
want to be in business for myself...(so I can avoid
culture, bad bosses, office politics...)". That
desire is doomed to fail in its intended purpose of creating
In fact that business is probably doomed to
failure unless the entrepreneur manages to re-focus his avoidance
desire into a concrete desire for a successful business
outcome of some sort.
If you want to expose some of the conflicting hidden desires,
complete the following statement:
I don't want... because it
(Think of as many answers as you can.)
of the avoidance desires that you discover is diminishing your
capacity to fulfill what you really want or what you think
you want. This process can be very enlightening at several
Get into the habit of catching yourself saying or thinking what
you don't want. (I strongly urge you to engage family or
friends to help with this.) When you catch yourself,
immediately think about what you actually DO want (no negatives).
This is a very useful skill if you are communicating to children
or employees, where their task is to follow your instructions or
perform a function for you. Every statement of what you
don't want diffuses the instruction unless it is immediately
associated with a clear statement of what you do want.
Even then, you will notice that often the listener attends to the
avoidance statement more than the positive statement (just like
you unconsciously tend to do when listening to yourself).
Wishing you clarity in knowing what